Tuesday, August 25, 2009

First Time

First Time. This is actually the first time that the break up came from me. It was a very hard thing to do for me. I didn't know what to say and how to do it at first. But yeah, we broke up. I'm the dumper.

I don't know what happened with us. I do still love him but I chose to let him go. He's an ideal partner. Stable, mature, sweet, and loving person. I actually saw myself to be with him forever but I really can't explain what happened with us. By the way, this is the second time that we broke up. I was dumped on the first.

He was my trainer before. After our training, naging kami. Sa isang inuman naging kami. After 2 weeks na maging kami, we decided to live together. So, ayun... Sabay kaming gigising, sabay kakain, sabay maliligo, sabay papasok sa trabaho. Pagdating sa office, sabay ng 1st break, sabay ng lunch break, sabay ng last break at sabay uuwi. We're like that for 2 months and dun namin na-realize ang word na "umay". That is one of the reasons kung bakit kami naghiwalay noon. Nahirapan ako sa break up namin noon. I felt that it was already the end of the world. I really don't know how will I survive that time. Pero nakayanan ko. I was able to move on. Sobrang inenjoy ko ang singlehood. I was on the peak of enjoying the life being single when he decided na makipagbalikan sa akin. Nagkabalikan kami. At first masaya. Pero hindi ko na maibalik yung dati. Yung dating intensity ng love ko for him. We celebrated our anniversary. I was able to have the same intensity of feelings for him pero hindi ko rin na-maintain. Wala na talaga yung dati. Hanggang sa lagi na kaming nag-aaway. Kahit maliit na bagay lang, pinag-aawayan namin. Hanggang sa ayun, hindi ko na nakayanan. Nakipag-hiwalay na ako.

After the break up, nalulungkot ako siyempre dahil nakakapanghinayang yung time na pinag-samahan namin. Pero relieved ako after the break up. Parang ang luwag sa pakiramdam. Weird nga eh... Nakakalungkot, na nakakagaan sa pakiramdam, na masaya... ewan ko, halu-halong emosyon.
Till then... Angel will spread his wings and fly...

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