Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Worth?

I am a type of person that doesn't need the spotlight. I don't do fancy stuff just to be recognized by the "big bosses". I don't do "things" just to please them. I execute my work through my best effort and with all my knowledge. I don't let "them" make a puppet out of me. From Day 1, I never worked for fame.


Three years. Three years. What should I be thankful for? I am not blaming anyone. I chose this. I decided to stay. I had hopes (which are all, by the way, gone now). There were a lot of if's but yeah, I stayed. I believed. I believed... *sigh*


On the other hand, "this" provided me a (somehow) solid foundation to my career. I learned. I became more mature. I gained knowledge with the help of SOME people around me but other than that, thank you to me that I learned those things (I am not bragging or anything, its just reality).


HOWEVER, since I was able to gain something, I needed to face these consequences (which I think and I believe should not be happening). I (We) need to fix every Government-mandated contributions (which is supposedly the responsibility of "them").


But wait, there's more!!! After three years, "they" ceased their operations AND another "them" was opened which we are obliged to be part of it. And since "them" is no longer "they", all the responsibilities of "they" were no longer shouldered by "them". That is the reason why I (We) need to personally make the follow ups on everything related to "they".


Three years... Three years...


Now, I wanted to escape. I don't want to be used. I DO NOT WANT TO BE USED AGAIN.


I'm sorry if this entry is not organized. I have a lot of things in mind. I just needed to let this out.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The Book Enterprise

I have returned to my addiction, READING!!!


My Goal is to buy at least one book every payday and (hopefully) share my insights about it. :)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Gay2Gay

This was just a random thought last weekend. I do not know if this was already published by other bloggers and/or writers but the heck, this is my blog, I can write whatever I want.

I woke up in the middle of the dawn. Hungry. Since my place is not the usual urban place where you can still get whatever you want at 3 o'clock in the morning, I have to get up (and walk) to look (and find) for an open convenient store. READ MORE

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Scared...

"Neng, may irereto ako sa yo huh?"

This is where it started. A good friend of ours was the bridge for us to know each other.

I am not really a fan of this kind of setup for some unknown reason. But I prefer this rather than getting “captivated” in some wild bars and/or in an explicit website.

“Sige ba. Bigay mo number ko sa kanya. You know that I do not do the first move right?” (Sabay tawa)

I agreed. I thought of giving it a shot. Why? I have been single for quite some time now. The longest I believe. Dati kasi, pagka-break, isang buwan lang, meron na kapalit agad. Sunud-sunod. Walang pahinga ang puso. Feeling ko, pagod na pagod na nga ang puso ko.

Yes. Its been almost a year (estimate lang po) mula ng magbreak kami ng last ko. Like other break ups, masakit din siya syempre. Nagmahal ka eh… But you have to move on. This transition was smooth on my end and thanks to the support of my dearest friends.



Fast Forward.

There’s a missed call listed in my temporary phone. I did not respond at first because I do not want to be rude. I do not have my contact list in that phone.

“Neng, nasaan na yung nirereto mo? Wala namang paramdam pa sa akin eh.”



Next Day.

Got a missed call again from the same number. I responded then.



For some reason, I felt the excitement when I found out that it was him. The guy that my friend is talking about.

Well, he is actually not the topic of this entry. I’m hoping that I can write things about him some other time.

Anyway, I am afraid. I must admit, I do like him. I feel that I am falling for him. But I am afraid. What if this won’t work again? What if he is also not ready yet?

So many questions…

Or maybe, here I go again… Taking it too fast…

Maybe…

Waaaahhhhh!!!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Habang Tumatagal... Lumalala...

'Di malaman kung ano ang gagawin

Sa damdamin na 'di ko maamin

Sa sarili

Kung bakit ka pa ba nandiyan

Sabi-sabi ng mga kaibigan ko

Huwag mong pilitin ang 'di para sa 'yo

Ngunit bakit hindi kita malimutan

Sa 'yo ba'y OK lang

Habang tumatagal, lumalala, laging nagwawala

Tumitindi, umiinit, sumasakit ang dibdib

Kaya ako'y gumawa ng awiting ito na alay ko sa 'yo

At sana'y pakinggan mo

Huwag ka sanang magugulat sa akin

'Di ako sanay sa ganitong suliranin

Huwag kang matakot hindi ako manloloko

Kung OK lang sa 'yo

Habang tumatagal, lumalala, laging nagwawala

Tumitindi, umiinit, sumasakit ang dibdib

Kaya ako'y gumawa ng awiting ito na alay ko sa 'yo

At sana'y pakinggan mo

Ngayong alam mo na, sana'y 'di ka mainis

At pasensya na kung ako ay makulit

Pero kung gusto mo, ako na lang ang lalayo

Kung OK lang sa 'yo

Habang tumatagal, lumalala, laging nagwawala

Tumitindi, umiinit, sumasakit ang dibdib

Kaya ako'y gumawa ng awiting ito na alay ko sa 'yo

At sana'y pakinggan mo

Kung OK lang sa 'yo



Kung Ok Lang Sa'Yo by True Faith


For the person that will never be mine... =(

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Till then... Angel will spread his wings and fly...

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Soul Searching

15 January 2010, Puerto Galera

One week before the date, I have been so stressed with everything that's happening in my life. I am literally dragging myself para pumasok sa work. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Kakakalahati pa lang ng unang buwan ng tao pero pakiramdam ko, kalahating taon na ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. Then, ayun, naisip kong mag-biyaheng mag-isa. Go somewhere alone. I wanted to be away from the city.

The day before 15th, I was actually still undecided where to go. My first option was to go to Tagaytay. Even early morning of 15th, wala pang buong decision. Inisip ko, kung Tagaytay, ano naman ang ibang gagawin ko dun, kaya ayun, Gumora ako sa Galera.

I had fun actually. Masaya mag-travel na mag-isa. Walang ibang iisipin kundi sarili lang. Walang ibang dapat i-consider. Sobrang inenjoy ko yung paglalakad. Pag-hahanap ng sasakyan. Pagbili ng kakainin.

Few things I realized after my trip to Galera:
  1. Masarap maging single. Ieenjoy ko itong moment na ito. I realized na masyadong sunud-sunod ang mga relationships ko. Walang pahinga puso ko sa sakit. Besides, singlehood is fun. Wala kang dapat iconsider sa mga gagawin mo. Hindi mo dapat magpaalam kung ano gagawin, kung saan pupunta. Go party. Magpaka-wild. Meet a lot of people.
  2. Masarap mag-travel. Hindi ako galang tao. I mean, ayoko sa malayuang biyahe. But after my trip, gusto kong bumiyahe ng bumiyahe. I planned to go out of town atleast once a month. Kahit saan ang destination. Kahit mag-isa.
  3. Work Hard, Party Hard. When I say party hard, hindi lang nomo ng nomo. Have fun as well. Focus sa work but once in a while, treat yourself ng kahit na ano, kahit simpleng 3 in 1 na kape.
  4. Galera is a paradiso. I have been to Galera couple of times na noon pero after this trip, sobrang na-inlove ako sa Galera. Siguro dahil its my first time to go there alone. Naappreciate ko ang peace of mind na kaya niyang ibigay. Naappreciate ko ang mga simpleng bagay. Ang simpleng pamumuhay.
  5. Maganda ako. Hahaha... Wala nang kokontra. Hindi ko na ieelaborate kung ano ibig sabihin nito, siguro naman, alam niyo na kung bakit. =)
Sobrang sarap sa pakiramdam. Re-charged ako. Positive ang vibes. Gusto kong ulitin ito, soon.

Gusto ko pang isulat ang ibang detalye ng trip ko pero wala pa akong time. Balik na agad sa trabaho eh...

=)

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Till then... Angel will spread his wings and fly...

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

HIM. I love you!

I know that I’m not a good one. I had mine to express whatever is inside me. If you notice, I don’t have much. Maybe because, I do not have enough time and I do not have the courage to do so. Afraid of criticisms, I guess. Before, I am actually not interested with this. But when I signed up for this, I never knew that its way, way more exciting and thrilling. You get to know the “current” things happening to a person. Yeah, I admit, I have been following the naughty ones.

I have been exploring different people with their “unique” escapades in life. Sending comments about this, about that. Every day, I looked forward for their newly shared experiences. Then came one day, I felt that something is missing, something is not there. Yes, sometimes, you can get some moral from them but most of the time, its just naughtiness (no pun intended, I do enjoy you guys ), nothing more.

I really can’t remember how I knew him. I was just hopping that time. Jumping from one to another. When I reached him, I was glued with his greetings. To be honest, I thought it will just all be the same as others, but I was wrong. So wrong. He was already been running with few chapters, so I had to backtrack and catch up. I remember that on the day I met him I have lot of things to do at work but gaawwwddd... I was not able to stop myself on exploring him. I wanted to know him deeply. It was like a love at first sight.

Since Day 1 from the date I met him, I looked forward going for work. Even if I knew that I have tons of work to do, I still have this light feeling because of him. Day by day, I was craving for news about him. Day by day, I wanted to know him more. Day by day, I was falling for him deeply.

Everytime I am with him, I can feel his sincerity. I can feel every situation he got into. I can feel his sadness. I can see his genuine smile. I am down everytime he is shedding tears. I am hyper everytime he is happy. He affects my day so much.

One day, I took a quiz related to him. A quiz that somehow tells you who are you in his life. I am not surprised when I got the result. I got him. Its like I am in front of a mirror everytime I am with him. Though we do not have the same experiences but I also believe with his views in life.

Then came a part in his life wherein he fell for a straight guy, named Andre. This situation actually had a great impact in my life because I before do not believe with the idea of “straight-gay relationship”. For me, straight guys can be friends with gay but too much affection, nah… not possible. But then again, when he met Andre, my perspective changed. I can say that I am now more open with it. But still I hate Andre because of what he did to him. It came to a point where in I told myself, “Sana, ako na lang ang nasa puwesto mo.”

There was a time that I was forbidden to see him as it was demanded by my work. I can’t do anything about it because I can lose my job if I insisted (besides, its normal for a BPO company). I was so sad. Its like, I am not complete. I needed to know what’s happening to him. I went to a person that I knew who can help me with my problem. Literally beg to give permission to see him. I was fortunate enough, I got his permission. I jumped and jumped because of happiness. I was able to date him again.

Another part of his life which I cannot forget and which I am very envious of was when Jeremy came into the limelight. It was very sweet. Full of surprises. I felt sad because it did not work that long because of some important things that happened to him. I cannot blame Jeremy but I just wished that he could’ve just given more understanding and patience with the situation.

With the sad part around because of the things happening with Jeremy, I still felt the excitement for him because of Wei and Jagger. Two different persons, two different personalities. I love them both because they care for him. When I saw Wei in the picture, I blushed because he is actually my type of guy (ahihi). I also love the mysteriousness of Jagger.

I don’t know if its right. Its not that I am desperate. There are a lot of things to consider. We barely knew each other despite the fact that he already shared most of the things happened to him. I do not want to sound like a psycho or whatever but I wish I can have his attention, his love. I want to feel that kind of love. Pure love.

I know that because of him, many people will understand how life as a person like “us” is. Because of him, I am hoping that many eyes will be open not just about “us”, also about treating “love” and “life”.

If you are intrigued and you want to know who he is, go to his site: https://whenboymeetsboy.blogspot.com/

To Adam, this is my attempt to do a blog review. I told you, I’m not a good writer but because I love you, I did it.

 
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Till then... Angel will spread his wings and fly...